


Final freedom

by Axier



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 03:29:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6453592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axier/pseuds/Axier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A letter.<br/>A smile, filled with a terrible kind of relief and peace. </p>
<p>The heart is the stupid one, which feels terror and love equally, when the soul sighs and says to life: I let you go now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Final freedom

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had a few really bad...months.   
> I think it's finally over but I am still in a really acidic mood and this is my solution to clean my mind...  
> Yeah.
> 
> Nothing too bad and heart-breaking I promise.   
> Forgive me for mistakes.

Jim stared out to the wonders which could have changed everything and really changed much in his life: the stars were there, they were still beautiful and he could find some comfort in the stable fact that for a few million years the universe would surely keep this that way.   
  
The party with the crew had been good. He just felt shocked at how everything had stayed the same during it. Although it was hardly fair to blame anyone for not knowing about his plan which he had kept as a perfectly protected secret for weeks. So, yeah, their distance had been...normal....It had been normal during their last six years...Feeling any disappointment for this was stupid.   
Seriously what was his problem now? They had been fine, they would all go on with their lives. They could count on each other.   
They were all okay. Not really seeing him. Not after the Chyra incident.   
Which meant great help tonight.   
  
He turned away from the stars. He felt calm now, he was over this last farewell to space itself. 

The small letter he would leave on his table was something he just couldn't regret. 

He had never been a true poet, no matter how he loved to read. But a few times during his life, he hadn't been able to find any other ways to express himself.   
This was his last.   
  
He looked down, the same, alarmingly lifeless look on his face and coldness in his eyes.   
  
There was nothing left to do. How startling this thought was! But Jim sighed once and shook his head. No. It was maybe an unknown feeling, but he could see how peaceful it was as well. 

The Captain of the best ship in the whole universe smiled a little, and lifted his glass from the table. No hope but peace? Strange. But at least his very last decision in this life would be another example for escape. Out from a no-win scenario.   
  
His drink was gone by the time he reached his bed and crawled into the warmth of the blankets. The only warmth he could have in these last years. And he could find peace in this very last well-known warmth too.  
Jim sighed again, and let his eyes slowly close.   
  
Peace. He finally found it.   
  
The empty glass slipped from his hand and fell to the floor, but he couldn't hear the shatter.    
  
  
"I am leaving now and this is my goodbye  
The very last moment of living out of sight   
Cause now I am leaving this worthless life behind   
Please forgive me for ditching all this fight   
  
Endless fight with myself for a better life   
But I know now how it was all only a lie   
  
There will be no good coming at the end   
Making the pain worth it all and mend   
Every wound and torn-broken parts of me   
Which all became long ago impossible to bear   
  
I believed it all when I was young and blind   
But Time threw away mercy and opened up my mind   
And I was suffering alone during all that for nothing   
Love, respect or sympathy weren't ever coming   
  
I understood, I paid the price and finally broke free   
Now I am standing here quietly and nobody sees   
That this is it, the very last moment, the end   
But I don't care, here is the last smile to lend   
  
There is no burning anger or pain anymore in me   
Only some bittersweet memories to keep   
Quiet resignation and almost-hope, yes, these are mine   
And a mild, sour taste of „what could have been” in mind   
  
I shall leave with peace and nothing else, I know   
And it is: not struggling for my name's curse anymore"


End file.
